Friday, July 17, 2015

Seven Years Later...

Seven years later the pain is not so raw
It is always there but not so suffocating
I go about my life in a completely normal fashion
No one who meets me would ever know
I have had many happy days and memories since then
Days and memories that I know would have been so different with you here
But every once in a while the wounds must breathe
Alone in my car, in a bathroom stall, in a doctor’s office…
I have cried in them all
I still have days when I pull out your chest in my closet and go through everything in it
I relive the entire experience and let the tears flow
Then I fold it neatly back up, put it away, wash my face, and get on with my day
I am not crazy
I am not depressed
I am simply a mother who buried two of her babies
And as long as I live I will have days or moments like that
And that is okay
I have accepted that now
Your brother brings me much joy here on earth and asks so many questions about you
I will show him your stuff one day
But for now it is just for me in my closet and for those moments when I need to relive it a little
Seven years later I am better but never again completely whole until I see you again...