I have not blogged in quite some time. The one year anniversary of the birth of my babies and the death of Ben is coming up in 16 days. This has been a really painful month for me because it was this time last year that I had all of my baby showers and the last couple of weeks of happiness that I had before my world came crashing down. On a positive note Braxton is doing great and growing up so much more everyday. I am trying to plan his one year birthday party but it is going to be a very difficult day for me. I don't want his birthday to be a sad day every year. He does not deserve that. Yet, I also don't want to forget about Brady and Ben on that day either. I heard about a mother who had one surviving triplet and every year on their birthday the survivor picked out two birthday balloons-one for each of her brothers. She then realeases the balloons to her brothers up in heaven so that they can share their birthday with her in some way. I kind of like that idea and may try to incorporate it into how we get through this time every year. Braxton will probably dictate to me how he wants to remember his brothers when he is old enough to understand what happened. Everyone says that the year of "firsts" is the hardest. I don't know if that is true or not but I do know that I am just really feeling the brunt of the situation a lot here recently as we prepare to face what is surely going to be another emotional time for us.