March

Every March the world welcomes spring

And all of the warmth and colors it brings

Blooms awaken from their winter rest

Birds chirp and ready their nest

The sun lingers a little longer each day

Kids are emerging and beginning to play

The world comes alive and fills with glee

But this is not what March means to me

For me it brings the anniversary of a death

The anniversary of the day my baby took his last breath

The marking of another year since I last saw his face

The remembrance of a dark time and place

Another year to wonder what he would be today

Another year when no one will know what to say

Some will be afraid to mention your name to me

Others will offer some form of sympathy

March….a month that I must get through each year

Time marches on I guess….even without you here

The Ending of the Beep

Beep, beep, beep…..silence

I never knew how comforting the beep was until it stopped

Dark, dark, dark

The screen went dark as they turned it off

Why, why, why

My question is just as unanswered today as it was that night

Walk, walk, walk,

Put one foot in front of the other and try to move on

Sob, sob, sob

Mostly in the seclusion of my home is where the tears fall

Years, years, years

The seasons have rolled by five times now since that March

Beat, beat, beat

I watched on a tiny screen as your heart beat in my womb

And I watched on a tiny screen as your heart stopped in my arms

The ending of the beep was the beginning of the dark, the questions, and the tears

The ending of the beep still haunts me

The Cemetery

Blankets of flowers adorn the earth’s floor


I shiver as I open up my car door

With a bouquet in hand I make my way

To the patch of ground where I left you that day

I have been here many times before

Yet each time I tell myself I should come more

I stand and I wonder how long I should stay

What should I bring you…what should I say

I look around at the faded flowers in vases

I close my eyes and see their faces

The faces of other moms, dads, husbands and wives

Who come here to visit and ponder their lives

To cry and to miss their loved one below

And gather the strength to once again go

Five years have passed since I last saw your face

But it never gets easier to leave you in this place

Yet leaving is what I must make myself do

But know that part of my heart is buried here too

The part that died when I lost you that night

And I shiver once more as I drive out of sight

The one thing that comforts me as your grave fades from view

Is knowing your brother is buried with you

Two tiny boys we placed side by side

I am sorry you both suffered and I am sorry you both died

My body failed you and my body failed me

And now I must leave you in this cemetery