Some days are just so much harder than others. I am really missing my babies very bad today. It is almost as if somedays I am so consumed with Braxton and his needs that I don't really have time to think about everything that has happend that much. Yet other times it just hits me that I buried two of my babies just two months ago and I cry as hard as I did the day it happened. I think about all that Brady went through and how much he suffered and I just get angry. I would be lying if I didn't say that at times I hate God, I doubt his existence and I curse his name. However, then when I look at Braxton and the miracle that he is I wondered how I could ever doubt that there is a God. I just don't understand why he would take my other two. Michael came home the other night and told me that they had arrested a man who beat his 10 month old to death. The first thought that came to my mind was "why would God have given them a healthy baby that they were just going to mistreat and take two of mine." Of course that baby did not deserve to die-no baby does but sometimes I am just overwhelmed at the anger I feel now towards everything. I hope and pray every day that I will find some peace and be able to deal with all of this. The pain is just still so fresh.
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