Mother's Day-Bittersweet

This was a really hard weekend for me with it being mother's day. Mother's day was always hard for me when I was going through infertility. I always thought once I had a baby that mother's day would get easier. However, this year I do have a baby but Mother's day was not what I thought it would be since I also lost two babies this year. To be honest I would have rather skipped the day altogether. I wrote two poems the other night when I was feeling sorry for myself. Here they are:

Mother’s Day


Today was my first mother’s day
Today was my last mother’s day
Today was my best day
Today was my worst day
Today I held one sweet baby in my arms
Today I held two sweet babies in my heart
Today one precious baby rests in his crib
Today two precious babies rest in their grave
Today my heart breaks
Today my heart hurts
Today sucks



Where have your brothers gone?

I fed you today and watched you discover your hands
I was happy for one brief moment and I smiled
Then I thought to myself “Oh sweet boy where have your brothers gone?”
They should be here next to you
They should be here discovering their hands
They should be here for you
They should be here for me
They should be here period
But they are not here
They will never discover their hands
They will never take their first step
They will never speak their first word
For they have taken their last breath
You don’t even know what you have lost
But I know
I know and I wonder “Where have your brothers gone?”
Just months ago I had six little hands and feet kicking inside of me
But today there are only two little hands being discovered and yet inside of me something still kicks
The reality of death kicks me so hard it takes my breath away